Let’s Laugh

  The Bar

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” She asked this question as she continued to softly stroke his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” the bartender replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” said the breathless bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message.” As she said that the lady continued running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them.

The bartender, now in a state of total excitement, manages to ask “what should I tell him?”

“Tell him”, she whispers, “there’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”

 

Elderly Road Trip

During a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. She didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

On the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed, complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The longer they drove, the more agitated the elderly man became and the more difficult he was, with his wife. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”

 


We're Engaged

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, who have been living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers: "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

 
 

Don’t forget to check out “Joe’s Big Blue Marble” http://joecampher.blogspot.com